How Teen Therapy Can Help LGBTQIA+ Teens Manage Anxiety and Build Confidence
How does in-person or online teen therapy help? What do you actually do in therapy? How is talking about my problems going to fix anything?
As a teen therapist in Brentwood, TN, I get questions like these very often from people on a day to day basis. Frequently from my clients or people who are considering starting therapy. But sometimes I hear the questions – addressed to me or not – from friends, or I’ll just overhear people talking about it.
I like to answer questions that people are really curious about when I’m writing a blog. So I thought that giving some explanation on how teen therapy helps LGBTQIA+ teens, and other teens, manage anxiety and build confidence would be a great topic to write on. I assume you’re most likely a parent reading this, so I’ll spend most of this blog speaking to you.
I Guess We Start with What Anxiety or Lack of Confidence Might Even Look Like, Right?
Your teen won’t always come up and say “I’m feeling anxious” or “I just need more confidence.” And sometimes the anxiety or lack of confidence won’t even look the way you may expect it to. So this article will give you some tips on what to look for. But also some explanation about how teen therapy helps with those issues. I’ll also give you a few tips on what you can do for your teen. We’ll also focus on some specifics regarding LGBTQIA+ teens.
How do you know when your teen is anxious? Especially when they don’t just tell you? Sometimes there are some pretty easy giveaways. If they’re sweating profusely and losing appetite before tests, and their test grades tend to be lower than other grades, you can probably bet that there’s some anxiety around testing. If it’s time for them to start practicing driving and they freak out and pull the car over every time you go for a drive, there’s most likely some driving anxiety happening. So we look for signs – change in appetite; changes in sleep; sweating, headaches, stomach aches, etc with no apparent physical cause; avoiding certain things, people, or situations; appearing stressed or tense.
Some of those signs make pretty obvious sense, and some are a bit less obvious.
Still there are other signs that may not look at all like anxiety. Things like appearing fatigued much of the time. This is because anxiety takes a toll on your nervous system and physically wears you out. Irritability also tends to see an increase with anxiety. When you’re worried about things – especially if you’re not willing to get those worries out to someone or feel like you’re not able to address them – your fuse can easily tend to get a bit shorter.
How Can You Tell If Your Teen is Starting to Lose Confidence?
You may notice a bit more of a depressed mood, or that they seem down or just bummed out. They may start spending more time by themselves and less time around friends or doing things they’d normally do. Their outlook on the future may seem bleak (because it looks that way when you’re lacking confidence). You may hear them making negative comments about themselves. They may also project some of those things onto others. It doesn’t make a ton of sense. But usually when there’s a shift and you notice someone pointing out all the flaws others have, they’re noticing plenty of flaws in themselves, as well. When those things live in your head, it can feel miserable.
It’s not necessarily that they “want to make everyone around them miserable, too.” But when you’re filled with self doubt and feel bad about yourself, you’re much more likely to put that energy out into the world around you. Anxiety and low confidence can have a lot of overlapping signs. But in any case, you’ll most likely be able to tell something is off. You don’t have to be able to diagnose your teen. You know them, and you’ll know if something doesn’t seem right with them.
How Does Therapy Help?
You may already know this, but there are tons of different types of therapy. Hundreds in fact. Different types of therapy help in different ways. Some types of therapy are really similar to one another. And others are on opposite ends of the spectrum from each other. I’ll go over a bit of how the therapies I use help teens to lower anxiety and build confidence. I use a few different types of therapy: Person-Centered Therapy, Brainspotting, Experiential Therapies, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy are the main types I utilize. I’ll stick with these while answering the question of how teen therapy in Franklin & throughout Tennesseel helps.
Person Centered therapy focuses on making sure that teens feel heard, understood, and accepted. We practice what’s called “unconditional positive regard.” This is where a teen knows that they are accepted regardless of what they may say. Otherwise, they’re probably not going to have much to say about tough topics in a therapy session, right? I have to practice empathy and do my best to put myself in my client’s shoes (different from sympathy or just “feeling sorry” for that teen).
I’m genuine – I don’t b.s. my clients, because they see through that.
I believe that deep down, people genuinely want to feel good. The person centered part of my approach allows teens to take the lead on that change with a little help from me. This is also a really useful type of therapy. Especially, when it comes to building and maintaining a therapeutic relationship with a teenager. They don’t always want a judgmental or directive approach when they first meet an adult – especially an adult who will most likely be asking them all kinds of detailed questions about some of the hardest experiences they’ve had in life. However, this type of therapy alone isn’t usually enough to help most teens meet their therapy goals. So we do more.
Brainspotting is a Pretty Unique Type of Therapy that is Considered a “Brain-Based Therapy.”
If you think of mental health issues as being from the inside out, this type of therapy taps into that “inside” part very effectively. It is very useful at uncovering the underlying issues that affect how we’re feeling and functioning, and it helps to “reprocess” or “re-understand” the things that caused the anxiety or lack of confidence we’re experiencing now. It works a bit different than most talk therapies, utilizing different places we move our eyes. We always talk in a very typical way about what went on during brainspotting, and we discuss how to apply that to daily life. Most of my clients report that it’s very effective. But sometimes folks aren’t so into this therapy, and we still have plenty of options.
Experiential therapies are just that – they’re bases on an experience. An experiential therapy session may involve acting out a type of interaction or conversation with a family member, a friend, yourself, or even someone imaginary. I know that may sound kind of silly. It’s a powerful form of therapy, and my clients seem to gain so much from each experiential session. It is powerful in that it allows you to get messages to parts of yourself or others in your life that you may not otherwise be able to communicate with. This can also help to resolve previously unresolved issues or strengthen your own resolve and confidence through having conversations with yourself in a carefully guided way.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is Probably the Most Well-Known Therapy Used Today.
It very well may be the most researched therapy around, too. To put it simply, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) looks at your thoughts, feelings, and actions – and how those things may or may not be lining up for you to function well. While CBT is well researched to be a useful type of therapy, it can sometimes be limiting in that it can take a bit longer to get results, or the results may be specific to a very particular issue. However, as a basis for therapy, CBT is a great tool, and I use it often.
What Can You Do as a Parent to Help?
As a fellow parent, I can understand much of how it feels to see your teen hurting (although at this point, mine are just a bit outside of ten years). You want to help, and you’re probably willing to do just about anything. But maybe you don’t know exactly what to do. You don’t get handed an instruction manual on “what to do if your teen is depressed or anxious” on their 13th birthday. And you hope you never have the need for one. But things happen, and sometimes you do end up needing help on how to help your teen through an emotionally rocky time. Luckily, not everything has to be done in a therapy office, and there are things you can do to help.
You can always offer to listen. A lot of times, teens who are figuring out who they are don’t want a lot of direction from a parent, so just listening (without judgment as much as you can) can be a powerful tool. Ask them what you can do to help. Letting them be the expert can take a little heat off of you and show you to be the helper instead of the boss in some situations. Seriously considering what they say is bothering them, even if it sounds silly (because at least some aspect(s) of it will probably sound silly).
Empathize with them.
Try to put yourself in their shoes. Reflect back what they say so they know you’re hearing them. Finally, do your best to avoid being defensive. It can be hard when you’re doing your best and then you hear that you’re actually part of the problem. But sometimes, we as parents are the problem – no one is perfect. Your teen may be particularly resistant to talking about things. That may look super combative, or it may just look like a head down to the floor and a whole lot of silence.
In any case, if you have a teen who just refuses to let you help, pushing them can just cause them to dig their heels in further and refuse any help that much more. So, a good thing to do is just let them know you’re there if they need help, and let them make the decision. Not asking questions, not poking or prodding. A simple “hey, I’m here if you need anything” now and then can go a long way – even if you’re just saying it through a closed door. It’s comforting to be reminded you have someone there, even if you’re not actually using their help.
Specifically for LGBTQIA+ Teens
Teens in the community may have some additional challenges that you should be aware of. They’re more likely to be bullied or singled out by peers in many cases. In certain places or environments, they may have more difficulty making friends and developing a peer support network. As unfortunate as it is to say, the adults they have in some settings may even be unsupportive or unkind to them. There’s also the struggle of deciding whether or how to come out that some teens struggle with. We know that acceptance and support, as well as affirming who your teen is, are all very helpful in assisting your teen with feeling their best emotionally.
So, be accepting of your teen. If you don’t understand something, you can be curious. Ask your teen, or other parents whose children may have struggled with similar challenges. If you don’t know of anyone, PFLAG Franklin is a great resource. There are most likely other parents who have been in very similar situations to yourself who can give you their firsthand advice.
As for how teen therapy helps LGBTQIA+ teens specifically, having an LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist is by far the best choice.
It’s important that your teen feels comfortable being themselves, and an affirming teen therapist will assure that this is the case. They may even go as far as to advocate for your teen in certain situations if you and/or your teen request and accept this. Sometimes, therapy with LGBTQIA+ teens has very little focus on gender or sexuality, but your teen having a safe space to do their therapy work makes a world of difference.
Interested in Teen Therapy in Franklin & Throughout TN?
If you’re interested in having your teen or yourself participate in therapy, you can reach out directly to June and me. You can reach us at 931-626-3278 or [email protected] (I answer my own phone and emails, so you won’t have to talk to a receptionist and all that). We provide therapy in our office at 3326 Aspen Grove Dr, Suite 504, Franklin, TN 37067 – conveniently located in Cool Springs near Franklin and Brentwood. We also provide online therapy. To start in Tennessee, follow these simple steps:
- Contact Cody and June to schedule a free 15-minute consultation for you or your teen.
- Meet with Cody and June for an initial counseling for teens session.
- Begin therapy, online or in person
Counseling services offered by Cody Higgs and his therapy assistant dog June:
In addition to online and in-office teen therapy, June and I offer a variety of counseling services in Franklin or online throughout the state of Tennessee. More specifically, we offer LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapy, young adult counseling, and walk + talk therapy. I specialize in working with folx experiencing anxiety, as well as depression, trauma, and generally feeling lost or trying to figure out who they are. To get to know June and me further, please contact my counseling office.